My life, recently, appears seemingly ideal.
I say “seemingly,” because while it might look impressive at first glance (what with all my big bold career choices, exercising, designing and to-do list-making), I assure you things feel somewhat questionable on the inside.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m very enthusiastic and very motivated. If I could make money off my motivation and enthusiasm alone I wouldn’t be buying lottery tickets! I’d be cycling across Africa and building houses in Cambodia and then relaxing in a Tipi Eco Lodge in the Algarve. That’s how good I am at being enthusiastic.
However, recognising that people don’t actually get paid (in money or adventure holidays) for their enthusiasm, I decided I should do things that successful, active people do. Basically, I should pretend to be successful and active and hopefully that will help the universe align to make things automagically materialise. So, that’s what I’m doing. Specifically, I’ve been exercising at least 5 days a week (going to all sorts of crazy gym classes), I’ve been learning a new language, I’ve been working really really hard on some design projects that I’m actually really into. So far, so good. This all makes me sound pretty awesome. “What’s dodgy about any of that?” I hear you ask.
Well, there’s a catch.
See, I knew from the get-go that it would be hard to try set up on my own. I expected things to be wobbly and maybe even unproductive at first, but then I’d start seeing changes. It’d get easier. I wouldn’t curse the alarm or get creative block… I’d be loving the freedom. I expected to put in the hard work and then slowly evolve into a new version of myself that can do all these amazing and productive things without every fibre of my being screaming to lie down and watch “Tattoo Fixers”. But no. That’s not what’s happening.
The freedom and space I’ve created for myself now means that my mind often feels like it’s full of bees. I have ideas and concerns and plans and junk bouncing around in there all the time! It’s confusing! And it doesn’t help with the productivity because I can’t decide on what to do! I’m not evolving, I’m revolving!
So, to combat the chaos, I’ve enlisted my husband and together we have undertaken:
It is a room-by-room, cupboard-by-cupboard, inch-by-inch tidying fest. It is exhausting. But I am LOVING it because here, at last, I am seeing results! The hard work is paying off. I can see change and it smells of pine and clean linen. Heck I even cleaned up my computer this morning and de-fragged the disk and everything! The local charity shop and freecyclers are loving me right now. Gosh it feels so good and I feel like I live in a new flat. Amazing all round.
But what has this to do with my work? Well, I think it’s helped me realise the following: I like working; I am a social creature; and I like results. In order then, I can say that I think working is great, especially with other people, and especially if you thrive off interactions with others. We are an inherently social species but, in the context of work, I find it so much better to be able to hang out with other people. To be able to talk about those bees in your head, about the weather and things you like. You get to do things together that, hopefully, work out really great and then you all feel even better about yourselves and everyone gives high fives and feels appreciated. Which brings me onto results. I like them. I know I’ve said that already but I think that being able to see the fruit of your labour is so so important. It makes your time feel meaningful. There is a value created that makes the effort worthwhile.
Without those things, I think it’s all too easy to be a crazy person doodling away talking to the bees in their head. And I for one, am unhappy with this arrangement!